No one wants to be an angry Mom. We all love our children. But there is something inside us that wars against the selflessness of Motherhood.
I have found seven ways to combat anger. But the most important part of my journey in motherhood so far was realizing that I was, in fact, an angry mom. And it was hard to admit. Maybe it is for you too. Maybe you never learned how to deal with your emotions or were brought up in a rough environment. Maybe you struggle to relate to children or teenagers. It’s okay to admit these things. It all starts with the recognition that you are, or are at least sometimes are, angry.
Absorb it. Confess it. Face it head on.
And now, here are 7 ways to stop being an Angry Mom:
(and a FREE Anger Cheat Sheet located at the bottom of this blog! Because I love my #whatevermoms)
I have a friend on call that I can vent to, remove myself from the situation, and just ask for prayer. No judgement. Sometimes she doesn’t say anything. But she is always there to listen, or to distract me if need be. I always feel better and more calm after talking to someone.
Do you have someone in mind? Reach out to them today and tell them you are dealing with some anger issues, and ask if she can be “on call.”
Find 5 hair ties that will be comfortable to wear around your wrist. Every time you snap at your child, move a hairband from one wrist to the other. (The goal is to eventually go an entire day with all 5 hairbands on the original wrist.)
If you lose a hairband, earn one back by doing an activity to connect with your child. Whether that’s playing on the floor with them, having a dance party, sincerely saying you’re sorry, or just doing something small that they love – it will make a big difference.
It may seem silly, but by the end of one day, I was very aware of those hairbands on my wrists. And I am naturally competitive, so I was always wanting to move those hairbands back to the original wrist!
(Credit goes to the Idealist Mom!)
Why do we get on our phones to begin with? To escape. To have some “individual” time. So, when we get interrupted, we get angry and resentful. It is statistically proven to make you angry. So, choose your phone time wisely. Be intentional. Avoid situations where an inevitable distraction will make you resent your child.
There are many moments when you have to say no. And rightly so! But if you say no to everything, you are going to exasperate your child, and yourself!
Saying no is such a draining thing. So, choose it well.
Are you saying no because you are being picky over the situation? Or are you saying no because it’s really important? Do they really need to stop running in circles around the kitchen table, or do you just find it annoying? Choose each “no” well. You want them to know that your “no” means NO. That way, when you say it at a very important moment, they’ll know it’s important.
He is the only person (besides your children) who is with you every day. He is your greatest support system. And he may be clueless as to what you are going through, other than the fact that you’re angry, and may be nagging more than usual. Have a one-on-one chat with him after the kids are asleep, while shooting hoops (hint hint – they talk well while doing activities they like) or go on a date.
This means, no secrets – Be Honest about how you feel, your weak points, so that he can be on the lookout for them and help out when needed. At the lowest point of my motherhood, I had to tell my husband that I felt like I hated my life and my kids. I was ashamed to say it out loud, but he had to know in order to help me. And he was able to remind me that I did love them, that I loved being a Mom, and that one day, they will rise and call me blessed. And he’s been my greatest supporter through everything. Give your husband a chance, he may surprise you.
Now I realize that not all my readers believe in God. But getting down on the same level as my child, holding him and praying with him when I’m so frustrated, helps me, and helps them calm down. We have prayed some ridiculous prayers in my household.
“Lord, please help me pee in the potty and not in my bed.” “Dear God, help me to enjoy spending time with my friends.” “Dear God, help me to not steal and to love my sister.”
It teaches them from a young age that it is ok to be vulnerable, to be honest, and that no matter what they do, they are loved. And if you are a believer, it teaches them that God loves them and listens to them. There is no prayer too silly. Pray with your kids.
Before you do or say something that you regret – send that kid to their room.
Remove them from the situation, and remove yourself from the frustration. Take a breather. This will give you enough time to call your friend, your husband, pray, or just reflect on the events, and decide how to handle it.
Whether disciplining is necessary, talking to them, a nap, or saying that you’re sorry. Because we’re not always in the right. Examine yourself in that moment.
It teaches your kids how to handle situations as well. How to handle their anger, and to go to their room when they are angry. All good things. And saying you are sorry to your children will earn their respect (when it is rightfully said) and will also teach them to say they are sorry when they are in the wrong.
Whether or not you agree with these methods, I hope you will think over some ways that you can fight being an angry Mom today. And if you ever need reminders to get you through today, read over my previous blog post – 5 Truths to Get You Through This Season of Motherhood.
How parents handle their anger will stick with their children for the rest of their lives. Didn’t it with you?
#whateveriskind #whateveristrue
#whatevermoms
As always, please share other ways you may deal with anger. These issues have been passed down from generation to generation – and I’d love for this one to start redeeming it for the next!
As promised – here is your free Anger cheat sheet! Print it, and place it somewhere you wills see it often. (Right click the image and select “Save Image As…”)
Good stuff today, Meredith. I think the one on choosing your NO gets more important the older and more independent your kids get. My husband and I determined we’d say YES to requests from our teenagers as much as we could. We saved the No for major things like safety hazards. We knew that some decisions would not turn out well for them but we felt that it is training ground for learning to make decisions for when they are on their own. I also think the go to your room or a timeout saved me from getting to the yelling stage. I could use that few minutes to talk to God about my own attitude and ask for wisdom. Lastly, when you feel like yelling, lower your voice or even whisper. This really helps. It may even make you smile when your kid says, What? and leans in to hear what you said.
I will try the whisper technique. Lol. Yelling is definitely something I’m still working on. I’m already naturally loud! Thanks Candy. It’s really nice to know that these are applicable to older kids as well. Instead of just throwing around theories that might work. Please and thank you, I love all your comments
I enjoy reading your posts soooo much!!!!!! I’ve heard about the wrist bands and I’ve been trying to get some cute soft ones 😉
I agree with the phone! It was awful………..I got rid of my iPhone and went back to the concepts of a flip phone. No internet or games 😉 only gps bc I get lost a lot hahahaha
The phone may be the hardest one. You are inspiring! The GPS is ashamedly a weak point of mine too. I really need to learn how to get around on my own. Maybe we should take a map challenge. Haha. But I think I may be doing a cute hairband challenge here soon, winner gets a set of cute hairbands – stay tuned!
Really love this blog! Merideth ask me to share any advise I have and this is it. 😊 I have found making a very clear plan has helped me with frustrations. Like we get frustrated they left a mess..again, or didn’t do their chores, was mean to sister…ect. So I have a clear “consequences” to each situation. So I can calmly say, you did this and here is the consequence. Like if they left their shoes out they get an extra chore (we have 8 kids so this one is a big deal), or if they take a toy from someone they have to do something nice for that person and so on. I hope that makes sense. So when I find my self frustrated I try to sit down later and make a plan so I am not continually being frustrated. This planning happens often because different times in our kids lives they have different issues. You can also evaluate if your plan is helping the situation too. Sometimes we’ve needed to make consequences more practical or more extreme to make sure it will help. Still not a perfect parent and thankful for God’s grace and my kids love.
Love it – thanks so much Holly!
You have blessed me so much with your article. I have struggled with this for many years unable to say or admit it. Thank you, thank you its a blessing to see and read that many other moms go thru the same.
How do I subscribe?
God bless you !!
You’re on a good track Yovanna, thank you for sharing with us. It gives women courage to move forward. At the bottom of every page there should be an option to subscribe, or at the home page, at the right column. We’re all blessed by you joining our community of #whatevermoms. Please continue sharing, and follow me on Instagram and post any questions you’d like answered. I frequently poll other moms to get well-rounded answers 🙂